Eight Reasons To Try Divorce Mediation
Rachel Fishman Green, Esq. has been a divorce mediator in New York since 1995. She runs ReSolutions – Mediation/Legal Services, LLC in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Rachel has helped divorcing and separating couples resolve conflicts concerning all aspects of divorce, including division of homes, time with the children, dividing small businesses, fair distribution of pension assets, child support, division of health and child care expenses for children, tax aspects of divorce, how to bring new girlfriends/boyfriends into children’s lives.
In this article, Rachel shares eight reasons why couples should consider divorce mediation, including benefits of mediation over litigation.
1. Mediation is a Faster Path to Closure:
You may have been wronged – but getting stuck in conflict, and seeking revenge, will only keep you thinking about and tallying up those hurts. The goal of mediation is to get this part of your life wrapped up, resolved, and settled, so that you can move forward to your new and (hopefully) happy future, without the conflicts of the past. Let them go!
2. A Neutral Professional:
The mediator is neutral. A mediator won’t take sides with you against your spouse, nor with your spouse against you. Instead, a mediator works with you to increase your understanding of each other and of your conflict, and to help you find ways to structure the future that works for both of you.
3. You Have More Control:
Mediation allows you to retain control over your divorce process. You schedule appointments on your time-frame and take the time you need between meetings to gather information, consider proposals, or run it by your sister/brother/mother/uncle/cousin/friend. You won’t agree until you are ready to and the agreement meets your needs.
4. It’s Private:
Mediation is private and confidential — you can frankly discuss cash income, addiction, infidelity, and other sensitive issues.
5. A Quicker End to Conflict:
Conflict is painful. Most people have the drive to resolve it. When you understand the sources of your conflict, you have a huge release of creative energy that leads to terrific brainstorming sessions about how to solve the problem and end the conflict.
6. Respect For Your Shared History:
You will always have the years you shared. Even though you are splitting up, you can’t change the past. Do you want to ‘wish each other well,’ and move forward into this next phase? Or do you want to destroy each other? Your children will not thank you for destroying their other parent.
7. A Better Relationship In The Future:
You may want to attend the same birthdays, graduations, and weddings. You may want to be at the hospital for the birth of your shared grandchild. If you have children, you will always be connected to your ex. Mediation will help you keep the lines of communication open, come to a deeper understanding of why things may not have worked in your marriage, and be better able to tolerate seeing your ex in the future.Litigation is a ritualized war. Afterward, it will be hard to be civil to someone who tried to annihilate you during your divorce. Avoid doing that! Many kids whose parents are divorced have said that the biggest gift their parents can give them is the ability to be in a room together, and be civil to each other.
8. Don’t Take My Word For It — Here Is What Clients Have Said:
- either we solve it – or a stranger will tell us what to do
- I don’t want it to be lawyer v. lawyer
- we want to keep the friendship that we still have
- we want a fair process – fair for both of us
- both of us want to do what’s best for our child
- we respect each other’s individuality
- we want clarity about what is the right thing to do
- we want to save money
- we want to accomplish our goals, such as making sure we are both OK financially
- we want to be good co-parents
- the law is a blunt instrument – mediation is tailored to what we need and care about
- we hope to be able to be friends, in the future
- we want to spend time together with our child